There are many interesting observations and experiences that come with the journey into a more present way of life. One of the most mind-blowing things for me is that my self-image changes. I have always seen myself as positive, someone who appreciates and focuses on ”the good”, big and small, and doesn’t let insignificant inconveniences get to me.

On the MBSR course, we were given a week of homework to notice pleasant experiences. It was not surprisingly easy for me; I felt joy from a light breeze in my hair, a touch of sunshine, a smile and of course the bigger events: a pregnant friend and my grandmother who can hear again with the new hearing aids. The homework that followed, not surprisingly, was to notice the unpleasant experiences – for two weeks in a row. The first week I experienced few but major unpleasant experiences; the memory of and grief over a deceased person was decisive each time. When the week was over, I reflected on the type of unpleasant experiences and it struck me that there was an imbalance. The pleasant experiences from the week before were in abundance, but also much more nuanced. I therefore decided to increase my attention to the small unpleasant experiences in the second week of the exercise.

One morning in week two, I don't feel like getting up, but the thought of a joint morning meditation at work gets me out of my shell. I decide to take the bus. I have to take two buses and the first one turns out to be late. I already know that it will be difficult to catch bus number two if bus number one is late. I start to trip a little, because if I don't catch bus number two, I won't make the morning meditation either. I tell myself that it's not the end of the world and focus on something else. When the bus finally arrives, the driver chooses to drive past me without taking me on board. I get a little irritated, but excuse him by saying that he's busy. I get on the next bus and of course miss my bus connection. I realize that I'm trying to dismiss it as insignificant, but then choose to notice. How do I really feel? With my attention turned to my inner self, something happens. A strong and angry energy rushes through my body and I feel like kicking something. I'm totally scared of myself, but I have to admit that I'm obviously the kind of person who gets angry when a bus is late. Me!? Yes, obviously.

The feeling of anger passes quickly, but it's not because I push it away. It's as if my mere attention to it and acceptance of it makes it disappear.

Subsequently, I have noticed that I have strong emotions and reactions to both pleasant and unpleasant experiences in everyday life. The fact that I am a little better at discovering and acknowledging my discomforts has interestingly made the pleasant experiences all the stronger as well.

I have always wanted balance and I thought that being in balance meant feeling comfortable. But life contains both comfort and discomfort and neglecting parts of life can in no way create balance, can it? My subjective answer to the question makes discomfort less uncomfortable for me.