The first time I met Jesper Juul, in 2008, at one of the founding meetings of the Children's Life Science Association, he kept his cashmere overcoat on from the moment he arrived until, before we had finished the meeting, he was picked up by a taxi to catch the flight to Tokyo.
He was on his way to Japan to open a branch of his worldwide network, FamilyLab, which at that time was growing exponentially, and that's how I remember him from the explosive years that followed. He was always on the go, always with his coat on and a cigarette in his hand, you couldn't help but think that if only the man didn't wear himself out, if only all that he gives and shares with boundless and tireless generosity of personal help and wisdom and lectures and meetings and contacts and conversations and the flow of books, as long as it doesn't take his life.

Jesper could tell others and make them understand that you can only share your surplus, if you give more than that, you start to burn through your reserve tank. But he had a harder time directing that care towards himself.
We once said this to him: "Jesper," we said, "we wish you would take better care of yourself. There are so many of us who need you so badly.".
"I know," he said. "I'm trying, but it's hard.".
In the response, we felt the weight of the burden and responsibility he carried. The thousands of people he personally connected with, and the millions who were directly inspired by him in various ways.

He called the outward-facing work, the lectures to large gatherings, the travels, the debates, both those where he wrote and those where he debated live, 'speaking from the boxcar'. The image comes from the modern breakthrough and the time after, when critics of authoritarian rule spoke from improvised lecterns on boxcars (there is a statue of Hørup in Kongens Have where he speaks from the bed of a boxcar, and where, if you shaved off his moustache, he would look exactly like Jesper, the same massive physical presence, the same fierce passion and thirst for justice, the same impact). That was one of Jesper's pieces of advice to younger apprentices: You have to go out and speak on the boxcar, that's the only way you learn to make contact with an audience.

The relationship between children and adults in Denmark has improved significantly over the last 60 years. Jesper Juul has played a large part in that improvement. When you hear him speak, and when you read him today, you read the great classics such as Your competent child, Pedagogical relationship competence or one of the newest, Leader wolves, or one of the blog post by Jesper we brought to Kontemplation's blog, you will be very happy again and again and simply think: The man is right!
Jesper's work, much of it developed with another giant, his colleague, close collaborator and friend, the psychologist Helle Jensen, differs fundamentally from the many pedagogical fads that come and go, and in the long run prove to only scratch the surface. Jesper and Helle's understanding and demonstration that underlying all learning and development processes lie human relationships is not just one theory among many. It is a description of how things actually are. A description that more than anything else, in the family, in kindergarten, in school, in culture and on the planet, it is about understanding what is needed to improve relationships between people.

And in fact, it is not difficult to understand that this is how it is, it is when you hear Jesper explain it, it is clear that what it is about is that each of us becomes increasingly true to our own authenticity, our authenticity that we are born with a predisposition for, and from this place we meet others with respect for their individuality.
It is not difficult to understand, but it is difficult to practice. Jesper's life was one long magnificent effort to teach people this attitude and practice.

Part of his colossal stature was expressed in his straightforwardness. He was completely unsnobbish, unimpressed, cheeky and, excuse me for saying it, sexy. In an innocent way.

I confronted him once with some of this. We gave a double interview together for German Vogue, Jesper has the status of one of the great prophets in Germany, and we had to tune the violins, to get on a slightly more personal wavelength than we had been before, in order to meet the journalist with one unified voice. -Jesper, I said, - you must be aware that you are also a street boy, a seductive street boy, when you speak to 700 parents, men and women are simultaneously charmed and seduced, so a large part of the women dare to think: Imagine if he were the father of my child.
Jesper stared at me in disbelief. I could see that the idea was truly foreign to him.
-And then you have a hold on your inner child, I pressed him, -that must be part of the reason why you can help families as you can, on a global scale, you know inside yourself exactly what it's like to be a child.
For a moment he was silent. Then he shook his head. His natural humility could not accept the recognition.
-You're wrong, he said. -I don't think I have contact with an inner child at all.
We looked at each other. I knew I was right. Knew it then and I know it today.

Jesper Juul had a unique connection not to one inner child, but to a multitude: to the street child, to the wounded child, the sensitive child, the divine and creative child. It was from the place where he wrote and taught and gave therapy, from the place where the river of compassion that emanated from him flowed.

He was very little sentimental. He was very little stuck in the past. He would have said that now that he is gone, we must look forward. How many national and international situations are darkening and calling for effort, but where there is also light between the clouds: In Denmark, we continue Danish Family Therapy Institute Jesper's therapeutic impulse. The same is true in Germany German-Danish Institute for Family Therapy. Helle Jensen is currently developing her and Jesper's pedagogical work on a large European scale. In the USA, Mette Miriam Böll, with Peter Senge, is responsible for a comprehensive education of teachers and leaders in the school system, an education where more from Children's Life Skills teacher. And Children's Life Knowledge itself, which was founded when Helle and Jesper contacted the Growth Center about a collaboration to develop a pedagogy that is about supporting children and young people in developing their natural predisposition for self-reliance, is growing steadily. In these months, Lone Fjordbak from Danish Center for Mindfulness with Katinka Götzsche, chairwoman of Children's Life Sciences, about a large-scale project that brings mindfulness and relationship skills into primary schools. And then FamilyLab, Jesper's own organization, has branches in more than 20 countries.

Yet, before we lift our heads and look forward, we will be allowed to feel the sadness that a great oak tree, a magnificent personality, a very, very faithful and deep friend of people, of adults and children, and a tremendous driving force for sustainable human progress, is gone.

Photo: Hanneli Ågotsdatter

Peter Hoeg
is an M.A. in literary studies and an author. He teaches meditation, empathy and creativity.

Peter is co-founder of the Children's Life Knowledge Association, and co-author of the book.‚ Empathy – what holds the world together, together with Jesper Juul, Helle Jensen, Jes Bertelsen, Michael Stubberup and Steen Hildebrandt.